Self-Eulogy

Was I an awful person? I hope that in my later years, I wasn’t so miserable that at least someone can hear this eulogy. Somehow, I died. Whether it was on my own accord or not; whether I was taken in my sleep or flattened by an eighteen-wheeler; whether I went to heaven or hell — if they exist; I have died. However it happened, I’m sure that some were glad and some were upset, the number of those upset hopefully outweighing those who are glad.

I, CJ Calamari, was born on January 5, 2003, and I hope that for the sake of living out some sort of literary dream, I died in the winter just as I was born. I hope that I had the best of my days in the spring and began to age in the autumn, finding my final days in the snow. Under the frozen ground my body will lie, or on a frozen lake my ashes will cover it like a coat.

My ghost will hear this speech performed at my funeral, and I want nothing less than the worst. I do not want to hear of the times that my parents were proud of me or when I got some award to honor my academic achievements. These moments were not as plentiful as the others; the moments when I worried, when I feared, when I was at my lowest rather than my highest. Do not just remember me for what you view as the best moments that we have had, remember the worst. I was not the person that you may have created in your head, I was a living, breathing human being, my flaws just as much a part of me as your memories.

Remember the time that I disappointed you; remember the time that you no longer wanted to know me; then remember why you…